Why do we feel so rushed? Although studies show that women are marrying later in life compared to 50 years ago (or so my Gender Sociology book says and a very well written article featured in Cosmo, that I have framed and hung on the wall, talks about. Read it here .), there is still this hushed rush to find the perfect boyfriend or more so, the perfect future husband.
As you’ll read in the article, things are changing (stay tuned for another article on this topic) but not that fast. Hence, the “hushed” rush.
I have this friend that never seems to realize that she is wonderful and settles for guys that are less than ideal. And by less than ideal I don’t mean they wear “Keep Calm” t-shirts, I mean they have no job, mom still does their laundry on the weekends and they would have to look up the word “ambitious” in the dictionary. When she asked if I like him, I said, “Kelly (pseudonym), he doesn’t even know how to be an adult.” Bless her; she wasn’t offended, but replied with, “Yeah… but he is really good with his niece and nephew. Plus, he knows how fix stuff around my apartment and change the oil in my car.”
Really? Are these the options?
You either settle for an un-ambitious mama’s boy or stay single? I refuse to believe that either of these are the answers. When I think of a boyfriend, I want one that is independent, likes kids, funny, fit, enjoys outdoor things, knows how to be serious when its needed, loves movies, and popcorn, and…. okay my list is kind of long. But why shouldn’t I get what I want?
I guess the question doesn’t stand at “why shouldn’t I get what I want,” but rather, “is it realistic to get everything I want?” Is it okay to trade an ambitious man for one that is handy around the house like Kelly does? I wonder if there is a guy out there that is absolutely everything I want with no flaws… Ha.
When two people are together for awhile, flaws are bound to show up sooner or later. They are yucky and real and they are everywhere! For example, leaving the toilet seat up or tripping over giant shoes on the way to the bathroom at 2am may qualify to some as deal breakers. But for me, I would rather deal with those little flaws than a boyfriend that lies or steals or cheats. Whatever the flaw may be, they are there and some may be worse than others. How do we determine which flaws are deal-breakers and which ones are not? The cliché says that “true love means loving their bests and their worsts” blah blah blah…. But it doesn’t say which ones we should treat with caution. Is the fact that he farts in his sleep something we should seriously consider a problem? Or what about the fact that he can’t seem to keep his eyes to himself while out to dinner? The important thing is that we don’t let our age cause us to settle for a guy with flaws that we just can’t handle.
I don’t think we should convince ourselves that the fact that he looks great holding a baby will make him a great boyfriend/husband/father. Listen to yourself and stick to what makes you happy. Run from what freaks you out. Being a twenty-something means you are at a place where dating isn’t just dating anymore. It seems to be a “man-hunt” and the lines are blurry.
How do you know when to stop loving their flaws and start addressing them?